he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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