just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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