I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
