she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
