I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
