Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
