just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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