The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
