she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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