fuck your aforementioned shoe
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
