I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
