Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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