Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
