I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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