My nipple is on Facebook.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
