names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
