I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
COCAINE IS GR8
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
