I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
