Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize