No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so let's talk penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
