Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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