So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
