booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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