well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The Olympian is in my bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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