Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize