So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We're too hungover to prance.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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