Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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