after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
