How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
