she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
