this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
