i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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