Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We left an ass print on the piano.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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