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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
