Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
