I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
