He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When are your genitals available?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
