I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
tell me about the fingering
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
