Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
