so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
