i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
