My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
