You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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