thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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