Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
