Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
