I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
