for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
