i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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