Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We are two peas in an std pod
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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