its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize