I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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