I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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