just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize