i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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