I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
