fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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