If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
