he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
