he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
