love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
