last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
