Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
