forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
