So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
