final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
