Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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