it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize