I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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