HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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