She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
