I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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