Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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