would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
