Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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