um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
