youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
