I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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