at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize