Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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