Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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