Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
