I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize