i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm bleeding and have questions
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