dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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