ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
