I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
why do cheetos always look like penises
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
