Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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