are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
