Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize