I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
