Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
