that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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