He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
