I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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