Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
