I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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