Soap is not a condiment
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
