I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
