i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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