If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
