yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize