Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
