Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
