Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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