Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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