Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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