Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Farmville is her only friend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
worst night to have a conscience
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
