i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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