Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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