her vagine was all disorganized.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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