You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
