i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
