Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i need some magic done to my vagina
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
