I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
