legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
