Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
